WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
