he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
