First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
