so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
