clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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