all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
