Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
