They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
