he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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