My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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