I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
