ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
