so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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