I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do vagina's smell?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
