I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
