Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
MIDGETS
????
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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