my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
