i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
