i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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