You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
