If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
