Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
