I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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