That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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