Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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