your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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