i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
