Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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