the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
