She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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