finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
