I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
