How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
