He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
