Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the liver wants what the liver wants
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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