Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
