From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
