she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
