Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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