i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
