pop tarts are not kleenex
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
