hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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