but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
