I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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