I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
