he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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