Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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