Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
