Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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