my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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