I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
