I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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