He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
