1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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