yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
