You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
