Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
