I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
