Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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